The Art of Sentence Revision
How can we improve the sentence "I was walking by the dirt lot again and there was been digging up the dirt with the shovel"?
A) I was walking by the dirt lot again and there was been digging up the dirt with the shovel. B) I was walking by the dirt lot again and there was been digging up the dirt with a shovel. C) I was walking up the dirt lot again and there was he digging up the dirt with the shovel. D) Finally, I was walking by the dirt lot again and there has been digging up the dirt with the shovel.
Answer:
None of the provided revisions (A, B, C, D) are grammatically correct. The sentence would be clearer by stating the subject and action directly, for example, 'As I walked by the dirt lot again, I noticed someone digging in the dirt with a shovel.'
The key to effective sentence revision is to ensure clarity, conciseness, and engagement. In the given sentence, it is important to identify the subject (the doer) and the action taking place. By rewriting the sentence to include these elements, we can create a more engaging and vivid description.
The correct revision should clearly mention who is performing the action and what the action is. This not only enhances the readability of the sentence but also makes it more engaging for the reader.
In this case, the revised sentence "As I walked by the dirt lot again, I noticed someone actively digging in the dirt with a shovel" effectively conveys the same message while providing a clearer and more direct description. This revision identifies the doer (someone) and the action (digging in the dirt), making the sentence more engaging and vivid.
By focusing on clarity, conciseness, and engagement, we can transform a simple sentence into a compelling narrative that captures the reader's attention. Understanding the art of sentence revision is essential for effective communication and storytelling.